White Lotus

      I wish Mum was here. I need her here with me. I miss her so much that my words are powerless for this. I forget my mum little by little every day. Her smell, her looks, her face… As the days passed, she was moving away from me. Sometimes… Sometimes I think she’s right […]

      “Stop crying, your voice is driving me crazy! I’m trying to fix everything and all you do is cry.”       “Please take me with you, Mum.”       “Look me in the eye, I’m telling you. There’s nothing behind that fucking door.”       “Take your hands off me. I can’t take it anymore.”       “You […]

      I lit another cigarette. As I put the lighter in my pocket, I wondered how long we’d have to wait. I looked in the direction Kevin was looking, hoping to see Ivan at the end of the street, but no one was coming. We were alone on the stray street. Not wanting to stand […]

      I opened my eyes. I started to watch the ceiling. I wanted to close my eyes again and continue my sleep. I could barely keep my eyes open. Combined with the tiredness of my body, it seemed best not to get out of bed. I closed my eyes again. As I was about to […]

      It was almost ten o’clock. I had no reason to go to work anymore. I didn’t have to go anywhere. I was free in these four walls. I would be alone for the rest of my life, but my mum was with me. Her presence was enough for me. I took my eyes off […]

      “All this time I’ve been waiting for you inside.” Kevin looked at me. I could see the worry on his face. He hadn’t even noticed the jacket I was wearing. “How much did you pay?”       “Almost all our money. We’re running low on packages, Kevin.”       “Fuck… that’s not good.”       We were […]

      My heart… my heart hurt, I was still alive and breathing, I had failed once again. Why couldn’t I do this, why?       My body ached, buried in the bed. My body was reacting to every breath I took into my lungs. I thought of holding my breath to get rid of this pain, […]

      “I’m finally coming to you, Mom. I’m leaving this disgusting, unbearable world.”       “Know that your death cannot cover your flaws.”       “I-I can’t take it anymore.”       “Wipe your tears and stand up. You must always be strong in this imperfect world.”       “Don’t try to stop me. I’m going to go back […]

      When the subway opened its doors in front of us, Veronica and I got on immediately. We sat down in an empty seat as people continued to board. When we started to move, I took Veronica under my arm, and with this gesture she snuggled closer to me. I turned peacefully to the window. […]

      I’m the one who should have died. That was the most important thing I realized.       B I heard a noise. That’s what interrupted my sleep. When I opened my eyes, I was in my room in the darkness. As I rubbed my eyes, I heard it again. It sounded like someone shouting. The […]